I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
In other news, I just burned my penis
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
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