i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
