Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
I guess I'm an especially affectionate person under the influence of tequila.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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