You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
