im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
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