I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
did mom hear me barking???
oooooh yeah. good luck explaining that one
sooo high. sooo many dog friends
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
