she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Needless to say, I did not go home with him cause he kinda resembled a guppy fish.
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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