Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I have teeth marks. Like distinct upper and lower jaw.
Yeah me too. My shoulder looks rabid.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
