he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I would ride that face into the sunset
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
Randomize
