Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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