tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
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