We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
What do you mean when you say no pre-party sex?
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
They shouted last call and the guy next to me and I looked each other up and down and went in unison "yup, you'll do"
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
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