i permit you to call me
Screwed.edu
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
