The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
Randomize
