Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
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I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
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And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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