So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I am mentally ready for anal.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
