I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
love makes seman taste better
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
