who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
Randomize
