Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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