I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
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This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
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I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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