I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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