i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
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