Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
If I threw up, how do I still have the same piece of gum in my mouth from the beginning of the night?
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
