I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
sorry
why?
oh you didn't look in the living room yet, did you?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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