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So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
It was like 10 tiny penises being shoved in my vagina.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Plus he probably didn't want to be at home, alone... Jacking off on the big screen without you there to lend a helping hand. I mean, let's be honest. It's not fun if it's not a little weird.
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