When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
It's difficult when the romantic and the hedonist in me are fighting. I want him to respect me and hopefully pursue an actual relationship, but then I remember he fucks like a GOD and loves my kink. Oh, life's hard.
Randomize
