dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
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