Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
