I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
Well unless he sent his sperm via fedex, this baby isnt his
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Randomize
