I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Hypothetical question. Say I was bleeding profusely, close to your house, and needed a place to go to clean up and perform minor surgery on myself. Like now.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Randomize
