I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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