He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
