Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
