I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
Randomize
