her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Honestly, it's not that easy picking a Saturday night outfit that can translate to Palm Sunday mass. Priorities.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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