woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
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