I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
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