i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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