i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
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