Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
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I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
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I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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