you turned your livingroom into a bong?
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
Waiting to interview and found a beer in my purse from last night
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Did he pick you up in a mini van?
Yes. Turns out my sugar daddy is about to be an actual daddy
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