Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Randomize
