they need to just BURY HIM!
Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Who is this? I have a text from you last night telling me your name and to train hard for Tuesday, please make this make sense
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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