we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
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he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
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We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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