I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I just woke up in the closet wearing nothing but a Santa hat.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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