I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
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