question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
