The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You are attracted to power and since you can't date the married old guy you have to go for the next best thing - his gay son
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
Randomize
