Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
God, you're like boner-b-gone
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
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