i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
