Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
Randomize
