Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
Randomize
