don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
tan lines, throwing up everclear on the beach, doing lifeguards, tequila...summer.
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
Randomize
