I think there's some kind of asian convention downtown. There are thousands and they're all wearing badges and snapping pictures. I feel like I just stepped into your worst nightmare.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
Randomize
