Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
I was at his place until 2am. We just sat really close an stared at each other. I think you are right. Germans must not have feelings. Not even tingly ones in their pants.
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