I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
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