You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
You were telling the cab driver that you believe in him and just to follow his dreams
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I AM GETTING LAID TONIGHT YES HAPPY DAY PRAISE JESUS ALMIGHTY IN HEAVEN DEAR GOD CHRIST YES DADDY YAAASSS
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
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