you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Just walked by a group of guys calling out walks of shame with a mega phone from their front porch.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
