Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
