The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
