i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
Randomize
