new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
