Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
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