so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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