all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
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