Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
The trick will be getting hammered before we get to the first bar
Challenge accepted
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
How drunk are you?
Completed.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
