this beer tastes like vomit already
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
then mid-sex he looked at me and said "i hope this is as good for you as it is for me" and kept going.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
In hindsight, maybe rearranging his living room because he has OCD while he was out wasnt the greatest idea. Though it'll keep him busy for HOURS
Randomize
